Ogden Half Marathon report, aka "The Blair Witch Race"

I've had so many things going through my head since my last blog post - but after this past weekend and my complete meltdown nearing hypothermia and taking this extremely dramatic self video to send to all my friends who didn't make it for the race - I figured it was worth posting this first.

I've missed writing all of my thoughts down.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  I've had a couple of races, started a new job, had the anniversary of my mom's passing, her birthday and shortly after mothers day.  It's been a lot.  My training definitely has been taking a back burner, just enough to get by - but  I feel like I've finally recovered: physically and mentally.  My head is back in the game, and my hunger is there.

So for now - let me leave you with a quick summary of my weekend in Utah.  We had a great weekend with our wonderful hosts the Nadalskis.  I finally got to meet their two lovely daughters.  It was entertaining to say the least.  I don't know that I have ever laughed so much watching the real life version of parenting two toddlers under the age of 4.  The patience that these two people have is more than I could ever imagine having!   I also got to catch up with some other friends I haven't seen in a few years and meet another newborn baby!  It was a quick weekend, and besides fearing I may never feel my body parts again after the race it was a great weekend as well.

I was in this race for pure fun.  I had not done much running since my marathon in March, but have enough base fitness to do a good run, just not my best.  I figured I could do a 1:40 with the fast course without digging too deep.  I stayed up chatting with my friend and drinking wine.  I took a couple of e21 and drank lots of water and headed to bed an hour or so after Shane.  He was focused.  This was HIS race.

I got super lucky and got a ride up to the start instead of taking the bus.  We were dropped off with about 40mins before the race, just enough time to use the bathrooms and head to the start.  It was about 45degrees and just a slight drizzle when we got out of the car, but not too bad at all.

Then suddenly, with about 20mins before the race start it started POURING.  I suddenly became freezing.  Teeth chattering and shaking.  I put on my throw away fleece sweatshirt over my tank & arm warmers then I added a plastic poncho on top of that.

Within seconds the race started and I started a nice easy pace.  I had a huge rock pop into my shoe and had to get it out, then I hit a puddle and somehow my sock slid down into my shoe.  So, two stops in the first mile and I was already frustrated.  I kept the poncho on for about 2 miles until I was just frustrated because I couldn't move well.  Then at the top of the only climb in the race around mile 2.5 I took off the fleece.  I wasn't running fast, but I wasn't comfortable and wanted it off.  This is where everything started to go bad.  As soon as we hit the big drop through the canyon the temps dropped and it was pouring.  I was soaked head to toe and just tried to avoid any big puddles.  The wind was whipping and making it worse.  My throw away gloves had these dumb mitten covers that got so wet and heavy I felt like I was holding weights.

I don't remember much of the race.  I was never working hard, but I was miserable.  My legs just wouldn't move.  I couldn't feel them.  I couldn't tell if my shorts were even on my body.  I was super thankful for my compression sleeves because I felt like they did give my lower legs some warmth.  I had to take the stupid gloves off which ended up being a huge mistake because my fingers started throbbing immediately.  My next idea was to take the arm warmers off and put them over my hands.  That's how I ran my last 3 miles.  I couldn't see my watch.  I didn't care.  All I could think about was being dry and warm.

When I finished the race I walked right through and headed to the drop bags.  I didn't even get a medal (didn't realize this until I saw others so I did go back and get it).  Unfortunately the drop bags were in a huge mound just straight off the bus.  I spent about 30mins standing there soaking wet and shaking uncontrollably waiting for my bag.  As soon as I got it I pulled out a garbage sack from inside and put it over me.  I didn't want to get my dry clothes soaked because they were all I had.  I started walking to where Shane & I had planned for him to park the car.  At one point some guy asked if I was ok, and how far away from my car was I?  I started crying.  I said, "I don't know!!!!!"

I finally got to the car and got in.  When I realized my valet key only opened the door, but wouldn't let me start it I started to cry again.  I took this awesome video of myself and sent it to my friends.

The rest of the next hour is kinda a blur.  I finally got my wet clothes off and sat in the mini shaking, naked and with no idea what to do with myself.  I had nothing to dry myself off with so I just sat there.
About an hour or so later I finally got my warm dry clothes on and was coming back to life.  I re-watched the video I sent of myself and couldn't stop laughing.  How on EARTH did I get so dramatic? I suppose the only saving grace to this is that I'm not afraid to make fun of myself and share this with you all!  And here it is:  The Blair Witch Marathon Video
 
Long story short the tracking for Shane started working and based on his 23mile split he was still on pace to BQ.  In my head during the whole race I was so worried about it.  Knowing how miserable I was and how shitty my body was reacting to it I just couldn't fathom what he was going through.  It all changed when I knew he was 3 miles out and going to make it!  I put my garbage back back over my body and headed to the finish.  About a quarter mile from the finish line I finally saw him.  I ran into the street and screamed, "YOU DID IT HONEY!!!"  His expression went from pure gutting it out to the most true expressive smile I've ever seen.  I started crying, again, and ran to meet him.  This is the true picture of giving it your all and nailing your goal.  It was AMAZING.

I think what happened this weekend tell you what a powerful thing your mindset is.  I wasn't in this race for anything special and somehow I had the worst experience ever.  The race didn't matter to me and I have to wonder if my body would have reacted to the cold and wet so negatively if it was important to me.  Would I of had the grit to get through it?  I guess I'll never know, and boy to I hope I never ever EVER have to race in those conditions AGAIN.  Otherwise, I might just end up at the bar instead.  Just not in Utah.  They won't serve you until 11:30 ;)

Retail Therapy

My sister is much better with words than I am.  Shocking that I'm the one with the blog.  Hopefully she doesn't mind me sharing the poem she posted this morning... 

Today we are spending the day doing the one thing my mom absolutely loved and ironically drove my sister and I batshitcrazy.  Shopping was her therapy and today, I guess it will be ours. Good thing I am starting my new job on Monday!

In a weak moment one year she convinced us (ok, really it was just me my sister was game) to have a girls shopping extravaganza on Black Friday.  I'm fairly confident that was a first and only Black Friday I spent at the mall.   

We love, and miss you mom.

"I can hardly believe you've been gone for a year already Mom....

I though of you today
But that is nothing new.
I though of you yesterday 
And tomorrow, will too.

I think of you in silence 
And make no outward show
For what it's meant to lose you
Only those who loved you know.

Remembering you is easy
I do it every day.
It's the heartache of losing you
That never goes away.
(unknown)

Love you Mom. XO XOXO XO"

Holly Neil.

Phoenix Marathon

The first week of September I was caught in a weak moment.  I was on cloud 9 from Ironman Canada and went to dinner with some girlfriends.  Next thing I knew I was emailing coach telling her I was going to run a marathon at the beginning of March and try to BQ.  It would be a one shot thing, no multiple shots or multiple marathons.

I am, after all, retired from marathons you know.  The last time I retired was in 2009 after the Tucson Marathon disaster.

I'm not gonna lie.  While this marathon hurt less than any other marathon I've ever done, the training hurt 10 times more.  I ran harder, longer, faster, and with many more miles than I've ever done.  My body seemed to be handling everything really well until the Holidays.  While we were in Mexico for about 10 days, I put in a LOT of miles.  Long miles, short miles, fast miles, easy miles.  The only thing I can think of was these miles were all on the same route.  Our neighborhood is in a gated community where the "sand" roads are maintained by plowing over them and packing them down until they are HARD.  It's very unforgiving and the pounding took it's toll.

After we returned from vacation I got back into my normal routine and headed back to Kinesis class.  Even though I felt fine, I remember laughing about my quads just trembling during every exercise.  Clearly, they were not recovered.  I woke up the next day in some serious pain in my knees.

For the next 2 months I spent every night rolling out my quads. I was going to my ART guy sometimes twice a week just trying to keep the pain manageable.  Most normal people would stop the training, but I'm too stubborn.  I knew it wasn't really an injury, and my ART guy basically told me I just needed rest.  8 weeks out from a marathon doesn't really give much room for rest, however.

So, I did what I could to get through the training, but it was painful.  My knees basically hurt for 2 months straight.  Because of this, I sorta lost the fun in the training.  I absolutely love distance training. I love been physically exhausted and soaking in the endorphins of training and racing.  But, this was different.  Of course I could have just quit, but I've never quit something just because it got hard, and I was most certainly not about to do it now....

Fast forward to the week before the race.  I finally began to feel better.  I cut back a bit on the taper that Michelle had me doing.  I just listened to my body (and my mind) and did what I wanted.  I went to the start of the race more calm and confident than any other race I'd been in.  I knew that I had trained harder and the fitness was without a doubt there.  My goal was a 3:35 which I thought was totally doable as long as I paced myself in the first half of the race and my knees held up.  My BQ time was 3:40.

Jen and I had done completely different training plans, but our Tucson half times were very close so I figured we would be similar paces.  While she had an extra 5 mins more than me to BQ we were both shooting for faster times.  We lined up behind the 3:35 pacer and just tried to stay by him for the entire first half.  While the miles just kept clicking away feeling effortless around 8 min mile pace, I started to feel pretty positive about how the day was going to go.  I did have to make a potty break around mile 7, but it was on a downhill so I was able to catch back up to Jen very quickly.  I did everything as scheduled.  Gels every ~4 miles, e21 every hour and Tylenol halfway through.  

My breathing stayed super relaxed and my knees never bothered me.  I remember telling Jen around mile 8 how badly my body wanted to run faster, but I knew if I took off then, my race would be over at mile 18.  This is 100% where years of racing (and epically failing) and practicing negative split runs comes into play.

Unfortunately due to lack of strength training in the last 6 weeks (because of my knees) and the downhill, my quads were already tight and feeling cramping about 8 miles into the race.  I'm so happy I had my e21 with me, and that I had given Shane 2 extra just in case.

We went through the halfway mark slightly under pace at about 1:47.  Shane popped in at mile 18 to pace me the rest of the way.  I still felt pretty great up until about mile 22.  Then it was all about keeping on Shane's heels and digging.  I was scared to push too hard until the last mile, for fear of blowing up I knew that I had the BQ in the bag - but I still wanted to get under 3:35 to get that extra 5 min window to register early.  I shoved every nutrient I could get my hand on and stomach in the last 3 miles (gotta love Ironman experience - eat eat eat!).  I never sprinted, or pushed to the point of hurting myself, but I definitely pushed hard to get to that finish line in time.

Jen finished just behind me by a few seconds and we both went sub 3:35 getting our BQ slots, Jen also getting 2nd in her age group.  Theresa also came in 3 minutes under her BQ time making all 3 of us hitting our goals!

 

I'm not lying when I say this is not something I ever planned or dreamed of.  After multiple marathons and never really thinking I was fast enough to qualify, it's almost crazy to think of how much I've improved.  This was a 38 minute marathon PR for me on my 6th stand alone event.

The celebration continued into the next day with an amazing Sunday brunch.  There is a whole lotta athletic talent sitting at this table, and in rare form we are all dressed like normal ladies instead of spandex and lululemon wearing tom boys :)  It was a super fun day, full of mimosas good food and of course a little bit of peer pressure for others to sign up for a marathon.

Setting goals and laying them all out for everyone to see and watch is never easy, but boy is the success of hitting those goals worth the pain and hard work.  All that said... I really am retired from marathons (Boston is the only exception but it is about FUN, not speed).  I miss being a triathlete and can't wait to get back in the saddle.

2013

What the heck?  It's already almost the end of the month?  I have no idea why I haven't sat down to write more.  I've had the time.  In fact - this is week 2.5 of no work.  Crazy, really.  As of next week this will be the longest time since I graduated college in 2000 with no work!  It's really not that long I suppose, but I would like to have some good leads here in the next week or so for my sanity (and bank account)!

So what have I been doing?  Well, most of you probably think I'm living the life, training all day long, enjoying my free time, etc.  Some of that is correct - but not as much as I'd like to!  I've been sleeping.  A LOT.  I've been running A LOT and I've been networking and researching pretty much all the hours in between.  As much as I'd love to be living the life of leisure, traveling, visiting friends… that all costs money and without a job prospect confirmed, I just can't justify the fun part!

Sleep - I've been avg 8-10 hours a night.  This is unheard of for me, but I think it's my body finally relaxing, and also fighting off all the creepy crud going around.  From the stomach flu to respiratory stuff - seems like everyone I know has had some sort of these illnesses, yet somehow I've managed to stay healthy for the most part.  Sleep is usually not my saving grace, because well, I'm a horrible sleeper.  Even during Ironman training, I'm lucky to get 7hours of sleep.  I just don't rest well.  I guess when it's cold, dark and I have no where to be - my body is much better at resting!

Another piece of that puzzle could be my new found sobriety!  Don't laugh too hard.  Everyone that knows me knows I love my cocktails.  Martini Sunday with Shane's famous lemon drops.  A glass of wine snuggled on the couch with the dogs, or a late afternoon Blue Moon.  Well, after a year of way too much imbibing, Shane & I (along with a couple of other lush friends) have decided to back off a bit!  I've never been one to just quit at anything, so I most certainly am not saying I'm not drinking at all, but I've decided to limit myself quite a bit!

So, it's been 3 weeks since our Mexico bender, and I've probably had about the same amount to drink in those 3 weeks as I typically do in 1 week (did I really just admit that?).  Come to think of it - I haven't had even one beer since NYE.  How do I feel?  Well the same really.  I don't feel like I'm training any better, and while I have lost a couple of (much needed) lbs, I'm also eating incredibly healthy so not sure if that's really the lack of alcohol calories or not.  In fact, Shane got the flu, my body is hurting and what I really want is a damn Blue Moon.

Maybe this wasn't the best decision??

Just kidding - in the long run I know it will be good.  I'm looking down the road to November of this year.  What is my body capable of?  I feel like I've progressed so much in the past couple of years and I'm ready to push my limits just a bit more and see just exactly I can do at IMAZ…..

All this talk and now I really want a Blue Moon.  Doesn't it sound good?  Just sayin'.

On the training front - I'm finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel on this damn marathon training.  Speaking of drinking - it was wine that got me into this situation.  My silly friends getting me to say I'd try to BQ (after wine of course).  Well, I'm knee deep into this whole thing, and by God I think I might actually make it.  I've had a few scares with knee pain that thankfully didn't end up being my IT bands, and with some massage and ART has been quickly fixed.  I'm running more than I have ever, which to a lot of people won't seem like a lot (~45 miles per week this past month), but it is for me.  The paces are getting faster, the effort easier and the confidence boost is amazing.  In fact, I can actually finally see the possibility of having a good, or better yet a GREAT marathon performance.  All that said - I'm definitely ready for March 2nd to come, run the 26.2, then move on and get back to all three sports.

I'm swimming 3-4 times a week and getting my ass handed to me weekly with a small masters group.  I'm able to (barely) make the splits of the fasties and the coaches are holding me to it making stick to the intervals.  I'm sore like never before (what lats?) and leave the pool whooped.  In a sick way, I'm loving it.

Cycling is on the back burner until March with just just a couple of rides a week right now to spin out the legs.  I suck.  I'm slow.  I don't really enjoy it because my legs are tired and trashed from running so much.  I'm a whiney brat and even though I try not to be, my mouth just opens and complains.  Mostly because it's been so damn cold I really don't enjoy it, but other than that I'm just being a big baby.  Actually, this weekend it's supposed to be 75 and sunny so I'm going to do my best to ENJOY riding on Saturday and not complain ;)

SO looking forward to March - even though coach #BSC has me scared of the bike camp she's going to put me through…

And finally.  The job front.  I've made a LOT of connections.  LinkedIn is the new Facebook.  I basically feel like I'm pimping myself out.  I'm looking for something that I will enjoy.  I want to work with people. With clients.  I want to use my marketing and analytical background helping customers, clients and or a team with strategy.  I want to learn more about PR and Social Media in regards to marketing.  Honestly, I'm really open to something NEW!

What I don't want is to be stuck behind a desk for 10hrs a day crunching numbers with no interaction.  If I've learned anything at all over the past 10 years it's most certainly that THAT doesn't work for me.  While I spent the last 6 years basically managing email projects and plugging away being task oriented I was constantly in communication with my clients.  Frustrating at times, I still enjoyed the interaction.  I loved working out of a home office.  Nothing would make me more happy that being able to stay home at least part time and work from here….

I've had a lot of people ask me about coaching and suggest I start my own business.  Everyone knows how passionate I am about running an triathlon, many of which have known me since the beginning days.  I'm actually so incredibly flattered by these suggestions, and maybe someday will make that a reality.  Talk about doing what you love most, what more could I ask for….

Unfortunately I don't know that this is the right time, but… never say never.

What a better way to close with my new theme of the year.  THE SKY IS THE LIMIT, DREAM BIG!

Sadness turns to dreams

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." - Einstein

In a year filled with so many highs and lows, I find it hard to reflect on the amazing things, when such an overwhelming sense of loss is there with them.

I spent the past week or so in my favorite place, with my family, but as much fun as we all had - I couldn't help but feel the empty hole in my heart.  There were times in this past week where I literally felt my mom here.  Albeit it her rolling her eyes as my dad poured me yet another birthday shot, or when I got a last minute email from my uncle (her baby brother) telling me he was heading into town.  She even came to me in my dreams (unfortunately not the best of dreams).  Non the less, she was here.  I can only hope that while she may have been rolling her eyes at our imbibing, she was also smiling high above as we all sat giggling together enjoying dinner, all at the same table…

And, at each beautiful sunset I thought of her knowing she was out there, up there, somewhere she was enjoying the beauty in all of the things she loved.  No pain, no sickness, just happy and weightless.

While my mom was with me this past week, I know without a doubt that she was with me all year long as I accomplished things I wasn't sure were possible.  I accomplished goals that I didn't even know I had.   

I ran my heart out in our Tri for the Cure Event and beat some of our most impressive local athletes completely shocking myself, just weeks after we lost her.  It was almost as if I weren't even in my own body.

I used my new motto of "never give up," and while I could have sworn the usual winner of my favorite race, Rocky Point Triathlon, was going to pass me at any minute… I just kept going.  I won my very first overall race, crossing the finish with tears in my eyes.

While there were many other days, and events where my mom was there - there was nothing like my big race of the year, Ironman Canada.  From miles 14 on I literally felt like the wind was at my back.  I know without a doubt that I had angel wings on me that day.  My fastest two miles of the day were the last 2, and my face hurt from smiling…. I have never, in my life had such a euphoric feeling as I did on that day.

As I crossed the finish line, for the first time in months I felt no pain.  I wasn't sad.  It's something that I can't describe.  While I never want to relive what I went through this past year, I can't help but bask in some of these amazing memories and moments.

As I start this new year with some uncertainty, I'm going to use my motto that carried me through the whole year.  Never give up, dream big.  

“A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step.”  – Lao Tzu

I wish everyone a year of amazing things, a year of firsts, of bests, of everything you could ever want, imagine and dream…